I have master plan, Gordon

Expanding on this rather dodgy statement, he continued: "I am the man to run this country, there will be hard times but we will have to suffer for the long term good and I have a plan."

He might as well be saying: "I've a cunning plan that is soooo... clever that I don't even understand it myself.  But I have a plan which is worth more than a dozen turnips."

In the real world when politicians use the term "We" they mean "You" will have to suffer even more difficult  times than of now, as they cut public services to the bone but it's all for your own good - in the long term, apparently.

Ah ha!  Now that's assuming I live long enough to see his plan through because I have got so much older now that time isn't really something I have a lot of, to squander before I kick the bucket. 

What puzzles me with all policitians and their grand ideas for "Us" is their total disregard for the mathematics of it all, doing their basic sums, adding up and subtracting.  Whatever they plan to do will require vast sums of "Our" money to impliment the scheme, and on past experiences of government schemes, IT systems, mislaying of data CD-RW and many more, it's not looking good at all.

David - Please give it a rest!

Don't be fooled, these guys can do nothing, it's a global problem over which they have no control, they don't have much control in their own country if the truth was known.  All they can do is probably soften or buffer the effects of global financial problems.  Problems caused by the same governments, American and United Kingdom by encouraging banks and institutions to loan money to as many as possible to allow them to buy their own home, thus relieving the demand on social housing, regardless of whether they are able to make the monthly payments.

People buying homes will want furnishings and cars to get to their new homes.  This will create a demand for industry and probably generate more employment.  Those people in employment will want housing,  creating a boom in construction industries which in turn will generate a demand for .......  It's a infinite loop, just like life itself.  Well until recently when some greedy or infantile or a combination of both broke the link!

Meantime in the great glass towers of the city's financial centres the "city slickers" always looking for new ways of making big money, fast and in time for annual bonus calculation jump on the bandwagon by throwing all their "clients" money into the mortgage market. 

And why shouldn't we, they bleat?  "There is some delightful new pads being built further down the Thames bank and then there is the new Audi RS - very nice, gotta have one of them.  Then there is Amanda, so demanding, wants me to buy into a new construction condo in Florida."

"Then there is the endless parties in Surrey to go to where one can get totally pissed on quality M&S vino for bugger all, paid for by some chappy I can't remember his name, plus shag some other gorgeous totty dependent on one's car keys."

"A bit of a gamble but no worries because it ain't my money I 'm throwing on to the roulette wheel of the free market." the city slickers murmur.

So what happens next?  Well, just like bowling skittles one of these mortgage institutions starts to wobble under the pressure for finance but cannot borrow any more from other banks, some crafty slicker (who has already set up a bet with colleagues on which banks shares will fall the most quickly) starts a rumour - Such & Co are struggling - investors and savers hear about this and naturally go and draw all their cash out.  But the bank hasn't got the readies there in "green backs" because a lot of it is tied up in mortgages which are long term and probably won't get paid back anyway.  Savers of other institutions get nervous too and they start drawing vast sums of cash out of their accounts to stuff under their mattress's or in the cookie jar.  Like the skittle that has just been clipped, it wobbles knocking it's neighbour, who in turn gives it's adjacent skittle a wobble.

Now to save the whole bunch going tits-up, because pushing the "reset button" isn't viable, all government can do is attempt to dampen the oscillating by applying a cushioning sponge to the problem.  It's a big sponge because it will soak up most of the UK's reserves amassed by our masters from previous high taxation and further more to come too.

Natrually everyone is looking for a dog to kick for this mess, a "blame hound", a scapegoat.  Blame the city?  Partly.  Blame the government?  Probably.  Blame ourselves?  Again partly at fault.

It's all our fault - not mine because I ain't got no money - but a virtual particle collider, everything is whizzing round at colossal speeds, a "Waltzer" of good times and fun and we are loving it and then for some inexplicable reason something decides to join the stream from the opposite direction and "bang."

So, my pension is shrinking faster than a plum left in the midday sun.  My humble pile of bricks is worth a lot less than it was last year.  I'm struggling with the soaring fuel bill to heat my brickpile, concerned on the high cost of petrol which I am forced to buy so I can get to work, so they can charge me income tax and VAT so that the Treasury can pour my money on to the high capacity sponge I was talking about earlier.

"We will regulate the financial industry", both main political parties cry.  No!  Please don't do that.  although I detest "city-slickers", it may be good housekeeping to keep an eye on their bonuses and gambles but the Free Market really works. It will bounce back eventually, that's what free thinking does. that's what commercially orientated business does best.

What is even more laughable or dangerous, depending on which way you look at it is those memorable speeches.  One of Gordon's is famous, well it is now, when he spoke after being appointed public purse keeper back in 1997 when "New Labour" won the general election.

"The days of boom and bust are gone"  Och Aye! Ye went wrong soomwhere m'lad

Then there is the good old Maggie era.  During her early term in office she helped many including myself to get out of social housing and into my very own home.  Thanks for that.  However, when enough of us ahve been sucked in, her government started taking away the "mortgage interest relief tax"  therefore making life a financial struggle for young families, who sometime later when the interest rates soared to 16% , house values plummeted, would be handing the keys back to the then "mutual" building societies due to negative equity.

She also encouraged us to take out lot's of insurance policies to cover everything and anything.  Then a little later her chancellor came out with a brilliant scam to hit all those with insurance - the insurance policy tax.  An excellent stealth tax indeed.  Didn't see that one coming at the time!

Back to now.  Congress really did not have much option on backing the plan to bail out the US banking system.  Let's hope it works.  However, only the "Irish" would come up with something that will rock Europe.  Guaranteeing savers deposits to the tune of 100% for two years. OK!  Paddy that's fine 'cause there is only three million of you.  But remember that you are part of Europe too and as such it might be a good idea that we all move in the same direction at the same time.

Meantime, what was Gordon's response?  We will guarantee savers deposits to the tune of £50,000 an increase from £35,000.

Human nature being what it is, many savers will now prise the lid off the cookie jar, tear open the mattress and move their money into an Irish bank or even better a nationlised bank, um! I know - Northern Rock.  At the time of writing Northern Rock has withdrawn some of it's saver schemes already in case it gets placed under pressure by a run of people wanting there cash back - again

A  certain columnist known as Mel to her friends, on a usually derided national newspaper recently said it is all our own fault - The so-called "Buy Now Pay Later" way of western life.  Living life on total credit.

I was unable to cross-examine her but I did want to put the question to her: " You do not have a mortgage then?"  Lucky you!  "Have you paid the milkman this week?"  No!  Not till Saturday?  Well in my books that's credit.

I also dismiss the anti-credit brigade on the grounds that if I save up for my next used car,  by the time I've amassed enough shekels to buy the damn thing, it'll either be obsolete or there won't be any oil left to run the bugger.

Credit keeps the world running whether you like it not.  It allows businesses to start-up, function, expand and in return creates employment.  In turn that employment pays us a sum of money, a large percentage of which is gradually prised from our caloused hands by government via VAT and other penalties.  The remainder we use to pay back some of the credit limit we have used up.  Your payment is put into a big pot of other peoples money and it is loaned out again.  So you see, we are all helping each other in some way or another.

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